Two days later and I still can not accept the truth of what has happened. I knew this day was coming. Heck, I've been preparing myself for the last four years. But no matter how much you prepare yourself, you are never really ready to lose someone you love.
On June 3, 2021, my dad fell asleep peacefully and went home to be with the Lord. Which is a gentle way of saying... my dad died. He is gone. Forever. Something I can not and am now willing to accept yet, nor will I probably ever really want to accept. I know, it's one of the stages of grief: Denial. But that is the only way I can get through the next week right now.
My dad was diagnosed with Mesothelioma back in 2017, so we knew he was terminal. Even so, we were blessed to get another four years with him. Which is more than what we originally thought we would have. Of course, it will never be considered enough time. We are selfish and always want more time.
Yesterday, I was "ok". I could get through the day without wanting to break down. Today, not so much. I just keep thinking in my head, I can't talk to my Dad anymore. When I go over to my parents' house, he won't be sitting there in his spot on the couch. I won't hear him laugh at the movie quotes I throw at him randomly. And I won't feel his hugs anymore.
Don't get me wrong, I am so glad he is not suffering anymore and that he is at peace. He is up in heaven with his dad and mom. I know he is just clinging to his mom right now as he hasn't seen her since 1980. I'm still going to miss him until I see him again.
God, I don't want this to be true, but it is. I don't know how to move forward yet, nor do I want to. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. But lyrics from one of my favorite songs by FFH comes to mind: "Lord I know, the only way is through this. Lord I know, I need you to help me do this." So that is my prayer right now. I will be posting his obit soon, so be on the lookout. Hug your parents, everyone, cause one day, you won't be able to.
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