Week 9: At the Courthouse

     So I haven't written a blog post for the last two prompts. Week 7 was about love, so I shared the blog post I had already written about when my hubby and I got married. Week 8 was about Family Photos. As important as Family Photos are to me, my mind was just on other things this past week. I've been working on researching my 2nd Great Grandma Pauline Ilg, and I hope to have a blog post about her in the next few weeks for her upcoming birthday.
     This week's prompt is called "At the Courthouse." I have to admit, courthouses are somewhat intimidating to me. Anywhere official like that is intimidating. The last time I visited an actual courthouse for research was back in 2015. I had written a journal entry about that experience, so I decided I would just type that up and share it. So here is my last experience "At the Courthouse":

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October 8, 2015

     It has been a good couple of days for research. I will attempt to explain it all clearly without jumping around. I get excited and lose focus on what I'm writing about. First, I finally made a trip downtown to the civil courts building to get probate records and divorce records. I was so nervous because parking downtown is not easy. Luckily, I found a spot diagonally from the building. 

     First stop was the 3rd floor for divorce records. The lady told me I didn't have to come down, that I could have called. I told her I did and was told I had to come in. Well, now I know. She took down the information and told me I will receive notification in the mail whether they find something or not. She also told me they weren't going to charge me. BONUS! So they are looking up divorce info on Grandpa Les Wheeler and his first wife, Ruth Pirtel; Grandma Ruth Ilg and her first husband, Joseph Valdes; Aunt Ruth Buer and her first husband, Joseph Mrazek; and Oma Mae Dennis and her first husband, Edward Buer. Hopefully I will have some information in hand in a couple of days.

     Second stop was the 10th floor: Probate Records. I spoke with Jeanie; a real nice lady who is also a genealogist. So she was extra helpful. She got me the probate records of Pauline Ilg, Leona Ilg, Edward J. Buer, and Maggie Helfrich. The only one who didn't have a will was Edward J. Buer. The probate record I was really looking forward to looking at was Maggie Helfrich. I was hoping there would be some listing that could lead me to the Helfrich family or back to Tennessee. Sadly, no. Jacob Helfrich wasn't even listed. As of right now, two things stood out. One: where her signature should be, it had an 'X' and written by it was, "Her Mark." It confirmed what I found in the census records. She could not read or write. Even my daughter was like, "That's so sad." Two: where it listed who got everything, her daughter, named Oma Caldwell, (new married name) was listed as receiving only one dollar ($1.00). I asked Jeanie about this and she explained in order to keep family from contesting the will for not receiving anything, they would only give them $1.00. Oma had practically abandoned her daughters, so Maggie raised them. Honey and Auntie got everything. Honey is Maggie Ilg and Auntie is Ruth Kelley. I didn't get copies of every document, but got what seemed important. I don't see much else that is noteworthy at the moment, but will continue to look over everything.

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     There was more to that entry, but that was all that had to do with my courthouse visit. A few days after this entry, I received two envelopes in the mail with information about the divorce records I was looking for. They could not find anything on Joseph Valdes and Ruth Ilg, nor could they find anything on Joseph Mrazek and Ruth Buer. But they did find information on Les Wheeler and Ruth Pirtel as well as Edward Buer and Oma Mae Dennis. That was exciting to go through. It really answered a few more questions. 

     It wouldn't be until the next year that I locate the divorce record for Ruth Ilg and Joseph Valdes. That record was at the St. Louis County Court house. I had been looking at the city. Believe it or not, St. Louis is divided up into two parts: St. Louis City and St. Louis County. And then in the county it is divided up into smaller towns. So depending on where your ancestor lived, the records you are looking for might either be in the City Courts or County Courts. At the end of this blog will be a few website links explaining the split and what people call "The Great Divorce". 

     While this was a few years ago, it is still my most successful visit to a courthouse that I can remember. Traveling downtown these days isn't always feasible for me, although I do need to plan another trip at some point. I made sure to keep all the notes I took about visiting the courthouse so I would remember what I need to do for next time, so my visit is just as smooth. 

The Great Divorce

https://mohistory.org/blog/the-great-divorce

https://www.stltoday.com/news/local/aug-how-the-great-divorce-of-st-louis-city-and/article_3e93fa29-7d01-570d-94f2-31eca08a9378.html

https://www.slcl.org/content/1876-st-louis-city-county-split-and-its-effect-research

Strong Women run in my family

When I first started this journey back in 2012, my sole purpose was to just put names to photos. I had never felt extremely connected to my extended family. While I was close to my parents, my maternal grandma, and my paternal grandpa, I was not familiar with any family farther back. Especially on my maternal grandma's side. So I never thought I would connect with the women generations back on her side and gain more understanding to who I am and why certain things have happened they way they did in my family.

My maternal grandma is Ruth Mary Wheeler nee Ilg. We would go to her house at least once a week to spend time with her. I have many great memories of those visits. During that time, my 2x great Aunt Ruth Kelley nee Buer lived just down the road.

Back Row L to R: 

Ruth Mary Ilg, Oma Mae Dennis

Margaret "Honey" Buer

Front Row: Maggie Helfrich holding

Jerry Valdes

So she would be included in all we did. I called her Auntie. She was my grandma's mom's sister. My great grandma, Margaret "Honey" Ilg nee Buer passed away when I was just an infant. I was very close to my grandma Ruth growing up. At least so I thought. During our many visits before Auntie passed (and even after), we never discussed a lot about my grandma's life growing up. I wasn't interested and no one volunteered the information. As I got older, I got bits and pieces, but that was it. During the last years of my grandma's life is when I started asking more questions, looking for answers. Grandma was more willing to talk as she was getting to the end of her life. it was like she wanted me to know at least some of the truth. Over the course of the years, I was able to trace back to my 3x great grandma, Maggie Helfrich nee Molten. I was able to gather a lot of information about my family, but I never expected to learn all I did about their personal lives.

Growing up wasn't easy. I have a lot of good memories, but also some rough ones. Dad was an alcoholic so things were not always peaceful. A lot of fighting took place. Not physical, just verbal. But the verbal fights can be just as scaring as the physical ones. I always said, "when I grow up, I never want to be with someone who was an alcoholic or verbally abusive." Sadly, I ended up in some not very good relationships. One who used to be very controlling and emotionally abusive. By God's grace I was able to get away from them and find someone who loves me very much and treats me very well. All I ever wanted really was to get out of my parents house and away from the fighting. To start my life with someone who was going to love me for me and always be there for me. Years later, my mom told me she was proud of me for being a strong woman. For standing up for myself and doing what was necessary to survive in life. I sure didn't think I was strong, but saw her as strong for dealing with certain things she had endured in her life.  Looking back over all I have learned about the women on my mom's side of the family, I saw a surprising trend. We descend from a long line of strong women. Women who had to do what needed to be done to survive. And that has been passed down for at least 7 generations.

I would start with my mom's life, but I have promised her the stories she told me would not be shared, at least until after she is gone. Things happened she never told anyone, except for me. I will say, she is definitely a strong woman for surviving what she has and continuing to go on. So, we will start with Grandma Ruth, mom's mom. She was born September 9th 1920 in Detroit, Michigan to Joseph Melchoir ILG and Margaret Buer. She grew up an only child, and from what I have learned, it wasn't an easy childhood. When she was little, they lived with Ruth's great grandma, Maggie Helfrich. Her dad, Joseph, wanted a boy so bad, so he raised her like a boy.

Ruth's parents liked to go out quite a big and would leave her to babysit (from a very young age) friend's kids while they would go out. These are all things I was told by my mom and grandma. I know there was a lot more that happened, but it was not talked about. There were times Grandma would just get quiet or tell me she didn't want to talk about it anymore. She was definitely not happy at home. So she ended up getting married young to Joseph Valdes. She was only 16. Yet that didn't get her out of her parents home. In the 1940 census, it has them all living with her parents. The marriage didn't end up being her happy ending she had hoped. Grandma Ruth told me he was a jealous man. Very mean. By the time WWII came, the marriage was falling apart. He was supposedly stepping out on my grandma with a woman that lived down the road. So in June of 1942, they were divorced. Eventually Ruth found happiness with my grandpa, Les Wheeler. They were married in 1945. Though life was still hard after marriage, by now, she had grown into a strong woman, doing what was necessary to survive.

Ruth's mother was Margaret "Honey" Buer. She was born July 19, 1903 to Edward Buer and Oma Mae Dennis. Her and her sister, Ruth, were very close growing up. They all lived with Margaret's grandma, Maggie Helfrich. Oma wasn't ready to be a wife and mother from what I understand. According to records, Oma and Edward separated in 1909 and then finally divorced in 1913. During this time, Margaret and her sister continued to live with grandma Helfrich. Then in 1915, their father remarried and moved to Joliet, Illinois. When he moved, he took Maggie's sister, Ruth, with him. Maggie stayed behind with grandma Helfrich. Oma was nowhere to be found. By 16, Maggie was working in a factory to help support her grandma. That was not all that

happened. She wound up pregnant by my great grandfather, Joseph Ilg. In order to hide this, they went away to Detroit, Michigan. There was a relative up there they could stay with. Soon after Maggie turned 17, her and Joseph were married and my grandma was born just two months later. They finally returned to St. Louis after my grandma was about a year old. To hide the fact she got pregnant out of wedlock, they told everyone they were married a year before they were actually married. It has been recorded down that way ever since. They even celebrated all anniversaries that way. I only found out the truth because of my research. I found a copy of their marriage record from Detroit. I never asked my grandma if she knew the truth. I couldn't do that to her in case she didn't know. As stated above, Maggie, Joseph and my grandma lived with Maggie's grandma, Maggie Helfrich. I've done lots of research on them and have learned only a little by talking to family. My grandma and her mom didn't always get along very well. I was told, Margaret didn't really want to be a mom. Of course, I don't know details as my family was big on hiding things. My mom said she had a great relationship with Margaret. Although, just from reading this snippet of her life, you can see she, and her sister Ruth, didn't exactly have it easy.

Ruth Buer was closer to her father, Edward Buer and went to live with him and his new wife in Indiana for a short time. I am unsure when she came back to live with her grandma, Maggie Helfrich, but she did. She was married to her first husband, Joseph Mrazek,

at the age of 17. On her marriage license, Maggie Helfrich is listed as Ruth's natural guardian and her permission was required for her to get married. Sadly, it wasn't all sunshine and lollipops. My grandma relayed stories about the abuse Ruth suffered at his hands. Since they all lived with grandma Maggie Helfrich, my grandma heard everything that went on in the house. There were times Ruth's sister wanted to intervein, but her husband, Joseph wouldn't allow it. Eventually, there was a divorce and Ruth found happiness with her second husband, Howard Kelley. I was blessed to spend many years with Auntie. My grandma and her were really close. She passed in 1994 and every day I wish I could still talk to her about her life and the things she went through.

Out of all these women, Oma Mae Buer nee Dennis had the worst time handling life. She went through two fathers, had to work at a young age to survive with her mom, married young, had two children young, and apparently had a rough time adjusting to life. She wasn't there to raise her daughters or be a wife to her husband, who eventually divorced her. After the divorce, she went wild, leaving her children

behind. She married again at some point to a Caldwell. This is all told me be family. Mom remembers being around her close to the end of her life. She developed dementia and possibly Alzheimer's. But there was one detail I found that really showed me how Maggie Helfrich felt about her daughter. In her will, she listed her daughter as receiving only $1.00. After discussing it with a records keeper at the St. Louis court house, she explained that was done to prevent the said person from coming back on the estate filing a complaint that they weren't mentioned in the will. It was a deliberate act to keep them from getting anything else of the estate. Ouch... Out of everyone, I don't think Oma handled the pressure as well as everyone else. She seemed to crack under everything. Yet this is just based on limited information.

The last woman in my family I want to talk about is Grandma Maggie Helfrich. She was born in 1863 in Nashville, Tennessee. Right at the start of the Civil War. I have been unable to trace her before her first marriage. Most of the information I got about her to start with came from the family date book. If you have read my blog before, you have heard me mention this date book before.

A treasure trove of information that has been instrumental with helping me trace my family. Even with the information I had about Maggie Helfrich, it has been difficult finding records for her in Tennessee. I do know she was married to a Logan Dennis and they had Oma Mae together. I believe Logan was a seaman with very loose morals. I have found some interesting information that I can not confirm nor deny that it has to do with my Maggie and Logan. The probability is high, but without more information to back it up, I can't call it official. The information I have found doesn't paint a pretty picture of Logan. The first thing I found was a court record complaint against Logan Dennis made by a Mary Dennis. (Mary is Maggie's middle name) Supposedly they were intimate with each other and he abandoned her. I have yet to prove this is my Maggie. Then I found a court case of a woman who had an affair with a Logan Denis, wife of a Mag Denis nee Morton (Molten possibly, which is Maggie's maiden name) Soon after that, Maggie sought a divorce and married her second husband, Jacob Helfrich. That's how she made it up to St Louis. He was from here and all his family lived up here. I don't know much from here, but he supposedly abandoned her. In 1899, she is listed as a widow and from then on was listed as so. Yet, we found his death record in 1910 in Indiana. There was a second child born to Maggie, but I can't trace whether it was with Logan or Jacob. She ran a boarding house for many years just to make ends meet. She never married again, but worked hard to take care of her family. Her daughter, granddaughters and their family. Doing everything that was needed to survive.

As you can see from this blog post, I have come from a long line of strong women, doing whatever was necessary to survive. They weren't perfect and made their own mistakes, but they overcame many obstacles in life. I never thought I would find any connection to my past as far as the experiences I had gone through in my life. After researching, I definitely saw a pattern. Life at home was hard. We did out best survive the trials that came our way. I am proud to come from such a strong line of women. It gives me hope that no matter what comes my way, we will overcome it and be stronger for the next trial.

Ancestry Bracelet I made to memorialize

the women in my family.

Biography of Ruth Mary Ilg

April 10th 2015 was one of the saddest days of my life. That's the day my maternal grandmother passed away. Next to my paternal grandfather, my grandma always in my life. We were very close. She was the reason I got into genealogy. It was her family photos that got me interested in researching. She had decided long ago that she didn't want to have a funeral or memorial of any kind. She just wanted to be cremated and to have her ashes scattered in the Big River where her husband, mother, father and aunt's ashes were scattered. We have yet to scatter them as I think it is too hard for my mom to consider it. In the mean time, I created my own little memorial. I wrote a biography of her life that I learned from my research.

*Note: Since I wrote this, I have learned some things about my family that have been very hard to take, especially about my grandma, but I will continue to honor her memory with the original biography I wrote for her.

Ruth Mary Ilg

Ruth Mary Ilg was born on Thursday night, September 9th, 1920 at 11:30 pm at Deaconess Hospital in Detroit, Michigan. She was the first and would be the only child of Joseph and Margaret Ilg. When she was almost a year old, the family moved back to St. Louis where family was located. They moved in with Ruth's great-grandma, Maggie Helfrich at 8229 Michigan Avenue. The house was a boarding house so there were many rooms.  Her Aunt Ruth Mrazek also lived there with her then husband. She remembered living on the first floor while Aunt Ruth and her husband were on the second floor. She attended St. Andrews Catholic school as a child, which she said was the closest school within walking distance. On May 26, 1935, Ruth received her First Communion at St. Andrew's Church. Eighth grade was the highest level in school she completed for which she received a certificate. Growing up, she did a lot of babysitting. She babysat a lot for her cousins, Anna Marie and Joseph Ilg when they were little.  When she was old enough, her father taught her how to drive, which was something even her mom did not know how to do, and was even taught how to do a lot of things that were usually men's work. She remained close with her Aunt Ruth while growing up even when they did not live with Ruth's great-grandma anymore. When they moved to Pennsylvania St., they lived down the street from the Valdes family. At some point, Joseph Valdes and Ruth became acquainted and fell in love. They were married on June 7, 1937 and their first child, Gerald, was born June 14, 1938. After they were married, they lived with her parents on Pennsylvania St. She remembers him being a very controlling and jealous man.  Then came World War II. Joseph did his American duty and went to war for his country. Unfortunately, after the war, he did not come back to Ruth. Joseph met a woman who lived down the street and married her secretly in Hillsboro, Missouri. What was really surprising, was on his marriage license, he listed his wife’s and parents-in-law address as his current address.  So in April of 1942, Ruth and Joseph divorced. Her and her son never heard from him again. In 1943, Ruth, her son and her parents moved to 9223 Coral Street. Ruth worked a full time job to help pay for bills while her mom looked after her son. She was working at White Line Laundry on Watson Road when in walked Les Wheeler, a very handsome delivery man. They both worked for the laundry establishment. It wasn't long before the two of them fell in love. Les and her son, Jerry, hit it off wonderfully. So on January 13, 1945, Ruth and Les were married. They lived at 7258 McKenzie in Affton, Missouri. They would have three children of their own over the next few years: Les Jr., Maggie, and Howard. After Maggie was born, they moved out to High Ridge. They became members of Fellowship Baptist church. They lived in High Ridge for most of their marriage. Les owned his own Used Car Lot and junk yard to fix up cars. Life was good at times, although rough at times. Ruth was in a serious car accident when Maggie and Howard were just kids. She was hit by a drunk driver and broke her collar bone.  Les was electrocuted himself one time while working on his CB equipment. As a family they would take vacations together to the Lake of the Ozarks, down to Tennessee where Les was born and still had family there, and even later in life, they were able to take a trip to Hawaii.  Growing up, her best friend was Virginia. They went on many vacations together and were involved in many organizations as well as Ruth's mom. She was involved in The Daughters of America along with many other organizations. When the kids were much older, and Jerry and Les were married, Ruth and her family moved to 2216 Doran Drive in 1970, which is still there today. They lived there for many years having family gatherings, watching their grand-children grow up, enjoying many parties with friends, etc. Christmas was always the best time. Sadly though, in 1983, Ruth's husband passed away from an Aneurysm. He had been sick for a little while with blood clots and it was only a matter of time. It was a sad time for family, but everyone celebrated the great times they were still able to enjoy with family. Ruth has lived long enough to see four grandchildren and four great-grandchildren.  She was known to the little ones as "G.G." for Great-grandma. Sadly on April 10th 2015 she passed away in her bed after a long life of 94 years. Even in her old age, she was a spitfire and was loved by many at the nursing home she lived in. She will always be known as a very strong and independent woman who can do just about anything if she puts her mind to it. I am blessed to call her grandma.

Journal Entry: Divorce records and probate records

I've been keeping a journal of my journey to help me keep track of my research. Every once in a while I will add some entries from my journal to my blog to share what I have come across.

Journal Entry Oct 8, 2015

It's been a good couple of days for research. I will attempt to explain it all clearly without jumping around. I get excited and lose focus on what I'm writing about.

First, I finally made a trip downtown to the civil courts building to get probate records and divorce records. I was so nervous because parking downtown is not easy. Luckily, I found a spot diagonally from the building. First stop was the 3rd floor for divorce records. The lady told me I didn't have to come down; I could have called. I told her I did and was told I had to come in. Well. now I know. She took down the information and told me I will receive notification in the mail whether they find something or not. She also told me they weren't going to charge me since the records were so old. BONUS! So they are looking up divorce info on Grandpa Les Wheeler and his first wife, Ruth Pirtel; Grandma Ruth ILG and her first husband, Joseph Valdes; Aunt Ruth and her first husband, Joseph Mrazek; and Oma Mae Dennis and her first husband, Edward Buer. Hopefully, I will have some information in a couple of days. (I did end up getting records back on 3 out of 4 couples. I did not receive something anything on Ruth and Joseph Mrazek)

Second stop was the 10th floor: Probate records. I spoke with Jeanie; a real nice lady who is also a genealogist. So she was extra helpful. She got me the probate records of Pauline ILG, Leona ILG, Edward J. Buer, and Maggie Helfrich. The one who didn't have a Will with their record was Edward J. Buer. The probate record I was really looking forward to looking at was Maggie Helfrich's. I was hoping there would be some listing that could lead me to the Helfrich family or back to Tennessee. Sadly, no. Jacob Helfrich wasn't even listed. As of right now, two things stood out. One: Where her signature should be, there was an 'X' in its place. Her "mark". It confirmed what I found in census records. She could not read or write. Even my daughter was like, "That's so sad." (It really put into perspective for her how we take reading and writing for granted) Two: Where it listed who got everything, her daughter Oma Mae Caldwell (New married name) was listed as receiving only $1.00. I asked Jeanie about this and she explained in order to keep family from contesting the will for not receiving anything, they would only give them $1.00. Oma had practically abandoned her daughters, so Maggie raised them. Honey and Auntie got everything. Honey is Maggie ILG and Auntie is her sister, Ruth Kelley. I didn't get copies of every document, but got what seemed important.
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That was a good day of research. That was over a year ago. I have collected so much more since then, yet still have the brick wall that is Maggie Helfrich. Maybe one day I will finally break through that wall in Tennessee.