Strong Women run in my family

When I first started this journey back in 2012, my sole purpose was to just put names to photos. I had never felt extremely connected to my extended family. While I was close to my parents, my maternal grandma, and my paternal grandpa, I was not familiar with any family farther back. Especially on my maternal grandma's side. So I never thought I would connect with the women generations back on her side and gain more understanding to who I am and why certain things have happened they way they did in my family.

My maternal grandma is Ruth Mary Wheeler nee Ilg. We would go to her house at least once a week to spend time with her. I have many great memories of those visits. During that time, my 2x great Aunt Ruth Kelley nee Buer lived just down the road.

Back Row L to R: 

Ruth Mary Ilg, Oma Mae Dennis

Margaret "Honey" Buer

Front Row: Maggie Helfrich holding

Jerry Valdes

So she would be included in all we did. I called her Auntie. She was my grandma's mom's sister. My great grandma, Margaret "Honey" Ilg nee Buer passed away when I was just an infant. I was very close to my grandma Ruth growing up. At least so I thought. During our many visits before Auntie passed (and even after), we never discussed a lot about my grandma's life growing up. I wasn't interested and no one volunteered the information. As I got older, I got bits and pieces, but that was it. During the last years of my grandma's life is when I started asking more questions, looking for answers. Grandma was more willing to talk as she was getting to the end of her life. it was like she wanted me to know at least some of the truth. Over the course of the years, I was able to trace back to my 3x great grandma, Maggie Helfrich nee Molten. I was able to gather a lot of information about my family, but I never expected to learn all I did about their personal lives.

Growing up wasn't easy. I have a lot of good memories, but also some rough ones. Dad was an alcoholic so things were not always peaceful. A lot of fighting took place. Not physical, just verbal. But the verbal fights can be just as scaring as the physical ones. I always said, "when I grow up, I never want to be with someone who was an alcoholic or verbally abusive." Sadly, I ended up in some not very good relationships. One who used to be very controlling and emotionally abusive. By God's grace I was able to get away from them and find someone who loves me very much and treats me very well. All I ever wanted really was to get out of my parents house and away from the fighting. To start my life with someone who was going to love me for me and always be there for me. Years later, my mom told me she was proud of me for being a strong woman. For standing up for myself and doing what was necessary to survive in life. I sure didn't think I was strong, but saw her as strong for dealing with certain things she had endured in her life.  Looking back over all I have learned about the women on my mom's side of the family, I saw a surprising trend. We descend from a long line of strong women. Women who had to do what needed to be done to survive. And that has been passed down for at least 7 generations.

I would start with my mom's life, but I have promised her the stories she told me would not be shared, at least until after she is gone. Things happened she never told anyone, except for me. I will say, she is definitely a strong woman for surviving what she has and continuing to go on. So, we will start with Grandma Ruth, mom's mom. She was born September 9th 1920 in Detroit, Michigan to Joseph Melchoir ILG and Margaret Buer. She grew up an only child, and from what I have learned, it wasn't an easy childhood. When she was little, they lived with Ruth's great grandma, Maggie Helfrich. Her dad, Joseph, wanted a boy so bad, so he raised her like a boy.

Ruth's parents liked to go out quite a big and would leave her to babysit (from a very young age) friend's kids while they would go out. These are all things I was told by my mom and grandma. I know there was a lot more that happened, but it was not talked about. There were times Grandma would just get quiet or tell me she didn't want to talk about it anymore. She was definitely not happy at home. So she ended up getting married young to Joseph Valdes. She was only 16. Yet that didn't get her out of her parents home. In the 1940 census, it has them all living with her parents. The marriage didn't end up being her happy ending she had hoped. Grandma Ruth told me he was a jealous man. Very mean. By the time WWII came, the marriage was falling apart. He was supposedly stepping out on my grandma with a woman that lived down the road. So in June of 1942, they were divorced. Eventually Ruth found happiness with my grandpa, Les Wheeler. They were married in 1945. Though life was still hard after marriage, by now, she had grown into a strong woman, doing what was necessary to survive.

Ruth's mother was Margaret "Honey" Buer. She was born July 19, 1903 to Edward Buer and Oma Mae Dennis. Her and her sister, Ruth, were very close growing up. They all lived with Margaret's grandma, Maggie Helfrich. Oma wasn't ready to be a wife and mother from what I understand. According to records, Oma and Edward separated in 1909 and then finally divorced in 1913. During this time, Margaret and her sister continued to live with grandma Helfrich. Then in 1915, their father remarried and moved to Joliet, Illinois. When he moved, he took Maggie's sister, Ruth, with him. Maggie stayed behind with grandma Helfrich. Oma was nowhere to be found. By 16, Maggie was working in a factory to help support her grandma. That was not all that

happened. She wound up pregnant by my great grandfather, Joseph Ilg. In order to hide this, they went away to Detroit, Michigan. There was a relative up there they could stay with. Soon after Maggie turned 17, her and Joseph were married and my grandma was born just two months later. They finally returned to St. Louis after my grandma was about a year old. To hide the fact she got pregnant out of wedlock, they told everyone they were married a year before they were actually married. It has been recorded down that way ever since. They even celebrated all anniversaries that way. I only found out the truth because of my research. I found a copy of their marriage record from Detroit. I never asked my grandma if she knew the truth. I couldn't do that to her in case she didn't know. As stated above, Maggie, Joseph and my grandma lived with Maggie's grandma, Maggie Helfrich. I've done lots of research on them and have learned only a little by talking to family. My grandma and her mom didn't always get along very well. I was told, Margaret didn't really want to be a mom. Of course, I don't know details as my family was big on hiding things. My mom said she had a great relationship with Margaret. Although, just from reading this snippet of her life, you can see she, and her sister Ruth, didn't exactly have it easy.

Ruth Buer was closer to her father, Edward Buer and went to live with him and his new wife in Indiana for a short time. I am unsure when she came back to live with her grandma, Maggie Helfrich, but she did. She was married to her first husband, Joseph Mrazek,

at the age of 17. On her marriage license, Maggie Helfrich is listed as Ruth's natural guardian and her permission was required for her to get married. Sadly, it wasn't all sunshine and lollipops. My grandma relayed stories about the abuse Ruth suffered at his hands. Since they all lived with grandma Maggie Helfrich, my grandma heard everything that went on in the house. There were times Ruth's sister wanted to intervein, but her husband, Joseph wouldn't allow it. Eventually, there was a divorce and Ruth found happiness with her second husband, Howard Kelley. I was blessed to spend many years with Auntie. My grandma and her were really close. She passed in 1994 and every day I wish I could still talk to her about her life and the things she went through.

Out of all these women, Oma Mae Buer nee Dennis had the worst time handling life. She went through two fathers, had to work at a young age to survive with her mom, married young, had two children young, and apparently had a rough time adjusting to life. She wasn't there to raise her daughters or be a wife to her husband, who eventually divorced her. After the divorce, she went wild, leaving her children

behind. She married again at some point to a Caldwell. This is all told me be family. Mom remembers being around her close to the end of her life. She developed dementia and possibly Alzheimer's. But there was one detail I found that really showed me how Maggie Helfrich felt about her daughter. In her will, she listed her daughter as receiving only $1.00. After discussing it with a records keeper at the St. Louis court house, she explained that was done to prevent the said person from coming back on the estate filing a complaint that they weren't mentioned in the will. It was a deliberate act to keep them from getting anything else of the estate. Ouch... Out of everyone, I don't think Oma handled the pressure as well as everyone else. She seemed to crack under everything. Yet this is just based on limited information.

The last woman in my family I want to talk about is Grandma Maggie Helfrich. She was born in 1863 in Nashville, Tennessee. Right at the start of the Civil War. I have been unable to trace her before her first marriage. Most of the information I got about her to start with came from the family date book. If you have read my blog before, you have heard me mention this date book before.

A treasure trove of information that has been instrumental with helping me trace my family. Even with the information I had about Maggie Helfrich, it has been difficult finding records for her in Tennessee. I do know she was married to a Logan Dennis and they had Oma Mae together. I believe Logan was a seaman with very loose morals. I have found some interesting information that I can not confirm nor deny that it has to do with my Maggie and Logan. The probability is high, but without more information to back it up, I can't call it official. The information I have found doesn't paint a pretty picture of Logan. The first thing I found was a court record complaint against Logan Dennis made by a Mary Dennis. (Mary is Maggie's middle name) Supposedly they were intimate with each other and he abandoned her. I have yet to prove this is my Maggie. Then I found a court case of a woman who had an affair with a Logan Denis, wife of a Mag Denis nee Morton (Molten possibly, which is Maggie's maiden name) Soon after that, Maggie sought a divorce and married her second husband, Jacob Helfrich. That's how she made it up to St Louis. He was from here and all his family lived up here. I don't know much from here, but he supposedly abandoned her. In 1899, she is listed as a widow and from then on was listed as so. Yet, we found his death record in 1910 in Indiana. There was a second child born to Maggie, but I can't trace whether it was with Logan or Jacob. She ran a boarding house for many years just to make ends meet. She never married again, but worked hard to take care of her family. Her daughter, granddaughters and their family. Doing everything that was needed to survive.

As you can see from this blog post, I have come from a long line of strong women, doing whatever was necessary to survive. They weren't perfect and made their own mistakes, but they overcame many obstacles in life. I never thought I would find any connection to my past as far as the experiences I had gone through in my life. After researching, I definitely saw a pattern. Life at home was hard. We did out best survive the trials that came our way. I am proud to come from such a strong line of women. It gives me hope that no matter what comes my way, we will overcome it and be stronger for the next trial.

Ancestry Bracelet I made to memorialize

the women in my family.