The month of March is usually a very busy one for us. We have a total of seven birthdays and one anniversary this month in our family. Three include mine, my mom, and my daughter. We have always done our best to make birthdays special for each other. Growing up I remember parties, family gatherings, cake (of course cake), and lots of great memories. As we get older, the celebration shifts to the kids to make their day special. We've had lots of birthdays and celebrations throughout the years. Unfortunately, this time things are different. Dad is not here to participate.
The first birthday we celebrated was Mom's. Her birthday is on the 6th. Over the years there has been one constant: someone gets her yellow roses; her favorite. So I made sure we did that. And to make it extra special, I bought a ton of Minion birthday decorations to put around the house and an Ice Cream Cake from Dairy Queen, something she had been wanting for years. I also made homemade pulled pork and coleslaw for lunch/dinner. We invited Aunt Patty over to help us celebrate. We did our best to have a great time despite Dad's obvious absence. We told stories, laughed, ate great food, and just enjoyed being together.
To be honest, dad never did anything elaborate for mom for her birthday. That is one memory I do have. Most he did was flowers and a card if he remembered. As I got older, I always made sure she had a cake, a homemade card from myself, and then when I was able, a homemade dinner. I surprised her one year with homemade fried pork chops, one of her favorite meals. Dad wasn't always a very affectionate man and was very guarded when it came to his feelings. As the years went on, he started to open up more and be more considerate. In the end, there was no doubt about what he felt about mom; he loved her dearly.
So one birthday down, and two to go. Next was my birthday. Nothing special was planned really. We just decided to have mom over for a late lunch/early dinner and some cake on the day before my birthday. We decided on Pasta House (my favorite restaurant) and brought it home to eat. I had tried making a homemade cake for myself and that didn't work, so I bought one from Frick's (a local grocery store).
The day was beautiful. Had the windows open to let the spring air blow through. I'm almost always sick for my birthday with a sinus infection, but so far it has held off this year. To make the house feel more festive, I decorated up the kitchen a bit with some leftover decorations. It was nice. We enjoyed good food and good conversation. There definitely was an elephant in the room we were all trying to ignore, and that was the fact Dad was not with us. It's hard getting together for meals without Dad because he was such a huge presence at mealtime.
It's not necessarily hard that Dad wasn't there for my birthday, just that he wasn't there in general for our family gathering. I mean with Covid raging on, we did not get together for birthdays last year either. So technically this wasn't the first birthday celebrated without my Dad. We had also lived out of state for years so not seeing him for my birthday wasn't that much of a noticeable change. But not being able to talk to him or hear his voice I think is more of a sting. You don't realize how much you will miss hearing someone's voice until it's not there anymore. It makes me wish I had saved a couple voicemails he left for me. Well, two birthdays down and one more to go: Sancia's.
We didn't do much as the pandemic is still raging on. Let her shop for a few things, got some food. She wanted a Red Velvet Cake for her birthday so we got that. I had left the decorations up from my birthday so it was all prepared. Dad's absence was definitely felt. I think we all tried to fill the void by shopping lol! While it helps temporarily, the reality is still lurking around.
But we made it. We made it through our first Birth Month without Dad. The pain is not as harsh right now, but I still miss him terribly. I still miss just being able to call him or see him sitting in the living room. Or calling to me from another room. Ha, it was funny the other day. Two of my Uncles came over to Mom's house to haul some trash away. I was upstairs when all of a sudden I heard a call from downstairs. Uncle Marty was yelling for me. And I kid you not, you would have thought it was Dad. It felt like old times. I told Mom, "We don't need to worry about Dad being gone, cause his brothers still make it feel like he is around."
Anyway, I know there will be more firsts experienced as time goes on. I think the next one I'm really dreading is Father's day in June. But who knows what else is going to happen. Today is Easter and we are just staying home. Mom is coming over today to have some food. And once again, Dad's absence will be felt. But I know he is always with us in spirit.
Happy Easter everyone!
