One of the hardest days I was not looking forward to has come and gone. To be honest, it wasn't as gut-wrenching as I expected it to be. It was hard, don't get me wrong. But we made the days special and didn't dwell on the fact that dad wasn't physically with us. He was with us in spirit for sure.
To start off, Mom and I visited Dad at Jefferson Barracks Cemetery a few days before Christmas. We knew it was going to be insane on Christmas day and we didn't want to deal with crowds. Every year, Jefferson Barracks puts out the wreaths that they have available on many headstones in the cemetery. Unfortunately, they do not have enough wreaths for the whole cemetery what with people being added every day. I wasn't aware of this or we would have made a donation sooner. So next year, Mom and I are going to make a donation to help out. If you are interested in making a donation to help Jefferson Barracks put wreaths on every headstone in their cemetery, go to their website here: Wreaths Across America.
I warned Mom that it was possible dad would not have a wreath on his headstone. But when we arrived, we were pleasantly surprised. Dad DID have a wreath. It was beautiful. We had also brought some decorations to add to his headstone. Mom had a birthday card that she sealed up in plastic, I had purchased some silk poinsettias because dad loved those at Christmas, and I also printed and laminated the Fuchs Family Christmas Poem that has been passed down for years started with Great-Grandma Louise Strawhun.
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| Before we decorated |
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| Dad and I after decorating |
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| Mom said she just wanted to hug the headstone We didn't leave the mat; it was just used for us to kneel on and for decoration, while we were there |
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| After decorating |
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| As you can see, not everyone has a wreath |
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| Fuchs Family Christmas Poem Unknown Author Put out by American Greeting Cards |
Mom and I were the only ones who went to the cemetery that day. And I'm glad about it. I needed some more time to grieve. After we left Jefferson Barracks, we also visited my Grandma & Grandpa Fuchs and Great-Grandma & Great-Grandpa Strawhun at Oak Hill Cemetery. There was already a beautiful grave covering laid out at both burial plots. They were featured on my video, Grave Decorating with the Fuchs Family.
For Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, mom stayed the night with us. She was so excited to just be getting out of the house for a few nights. I think it was this fact that made the days a little easier to handle. We were with each other and supported each other. Mom brought a picture of Dad for us to put out so he could be there with us to celebrate.
Christmas morning we made pancakes like we always do and then proceeded to open presents. We had Sancia's friend and her sister with us for Christmas so they got to join in on the festivities. Teddy was placed under the tree as that was his favorite place to be during the Christmas holidays. His presence was also missed greatly.
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| Teddy's ashes under the tree |
After presents, we watched the Muppet Christmas Carol and then we decorated gingerbread houses. This was what the teens were most excited for. I went crazy getting all kinds of treats for them to use. I think this is going to be a tradition that we will continue as everyone had so much fun. We decorated a Minion Gingerbread house one year for mom and while Dad wasn't into this type of stuff, he did enjoy sitting with us and chatting.
Gingerbread Village
After we finished this activity, it was time to head to Santa's Magical Kingdom; a light display put up in Jellystone Park in Allenton, Missouri right next to Six Flags. This display was perfect because all we had to do was drive through. And it actuallly wasn't too packed, which suprised me.
Santa's Magical Kingdom
That concluded our Christmas celebrations. I think it helped that we kept busy for most of the day. Although there was one moment where it got rough and that was my fault. I gave mom that Christmas Card I posted about in my last blog post. If you haven't read it, check it out here: Dad's Last Christmas Card to Mom.
We made it through the first Christmas and Dad's birthday. Also the first Christmas without Teddy. They always hung out together when Mom and Dad would come over. Oh he loved Grandma for sure. But he would always go over to dad when he sat down and would wait for him to pet him. I do have one good photo of the two of them.
Christmas 2013
Now that last first that we have to experience it coming up and I'm REALLY not looking forward to it. The anniversary of Dad's passing. While I've made peace with Dad being gone, there are still moments when grief rears its ugly head and crashes down on me like a wave. While I have great memories of Christmas, the memory of the last few days with Dad are rough. While I'm grateful for the time I had with him, those are days that were the hardest and I'd rather not remember.
I know we will still have "firsts" that will come up throughout the years. Such as the first Fuchs Christmas party without BOTH Dad and Uncle Kevin. But the first year is always the hardest to get through. I survived. We survived. It went by so fast. And while I didn't do as much as I wanted to do this Christmas, it was enough. We enjoyed each other and reflected on good times.
I hope you all had a good Christmas. If this was a first Christmas for you without someone, my heart goes out to you and I'm sending you a hug. I hope we can all make some good memories going forward. And here's hoping to a better year next year. Oh God please let it be better.
Merry Christmas from Auntie Jen
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