Year of Firsts - Father's Day (Letter to Dad)

 Dear Dad,

    It's been 5 months and 18 days since you went home. Time moves quickly yet seems so slow.  Right now, I'm going through the motions of life. Numb. I have my ok days and have my rough ones. But every day, I miss you. 

    Yesterday was Father's Day... a day I was dreading. Cause it just reminded me that you weren't here. We went over to your house to visit with Mom. She is getting by as best as she can. Your family has been taking excellent care of her. You would be so proud and grateful. I know they all miss you something terrible. You are a missing link in their chain. But they all love talking about the good times.

    As I walk around the house, I still expect to hear your voice calling me for something. Or to see you sitting in the living room watching TV. I try to keep busy when I'm there so as to not think about it. But yesterday was hard. I just stared at the picture mom has of you and her in the living room, and I just wanted to hug you. I never knew how much I would miss your hugs until now that I can't have one. 

    I gave Mom a gift yesterday that I was planning on giving to both of you on your Anniversary this year. Remember last year when I found all your wedding cards? I put them together in a book for you both. At the time when I was planning this, I had no idea you wouldn't be with us otherwise I would have given it to you sooner. Mom loved it and cried. I know she misses you so much. I know things weren't always perfect between you two, but I was so glad to see you both clinging to each other in the end. 

    I wasn't able to go visit your grave yesterday, but I will do so this week. The heat and humidity has been horrible. Everyone's grass is dying because of the lack of rain. I know you would be raising hell about the grass dying haha! But you should see how Mom has the back yard patio set up. New chairs, new umbrella and new flowers. I know how much you used to love to go out there & sit in the mornings before it got hot. Mom loves doing that now too. 

    We had a good visit yesterday. We got BBQ from Sugar Fire cause it was just too hot to cook. Mark really wanted some ribs. I know yesterday was hard on him too cause he misses you so much. I still remember the first Father's Day we were together (2002) and he came over to the house. He brought me a fan to use in my room cause it always got so warm, but he also had a card in his hand. You saw it and decided to joke with him. Since it was Father's Day, you grabbed it and saw, "Aww.. a card for me? Thank you!" Mark just stood there looking at you with a smile on your face. Then you looked at the card and realized it actually WAS a card for you for Father's Day. There weren't many times in my life that I saw you at a loss for words, but that was one of them. I still laugh thinking about that day. Just how shocked you were that my boyfriend (at the time) gave you a Father's Day card. That's should have told you then he was something special haha!

    I miss our talks Dad. I miss coming over to the house and just sitting next to you to chew the fat. Get updated on all the goings on in town. Let you share with me the latest "Let's Eat" article from the St. Louis Post Dispatch. And then tease me about you watching Christmas movies outside of Christmas time. I know you enjoyed our talks as much as I did. We had gotten to a point in our relationship where we could be open and honest. It wasn't easy, and sometimes we would disagree, but we would get through it... and you would change the subject haha! But I do miss talking to you Dad. I miss making you laugh with movie quotes. And I miss our meal times. 

    Things are even more rough right now. Teddy's health finally couldn't take anymore, and we had to make the tough decision to put him down on June 7th. Next to losing you, this was the hardest thing I ever had to do. But I held Teddy the whole time. I held him past the point of him being gone. I just couldn't let go. The vet was so wonderful, letting us stay with him as long as we needed. Sancia had such a hard time with the whole thing. She just screamed and cried. I know it would have broken your heart. And Mark, oh poor Mark. He cried so hard. He didn't expect to have such a reaction, but he loved Teddy more than he realized. I know he is up there with you keeping you company. Just like you, he is finally feeling no pain. I miss him terribly though. I can't remove his bed from the living room. It hurts to much. He was always around me every where I went. So my days feel so empty. I know you felt the same way when Tigger had to be put down. Ole Ralph as you would call him. I know he is also keeping you company right now. If you would have been here, I know you would have hugged me as I cried. Knowing how hard it would have been for me. This year is just so hard...

    I hope you got to enjoy your first Father's Day with your Dad in over 20 years. And I hope you and everyone didn't create too much of a ruckus in Heaven haha! Hug Papa for me. And know that I miss you both so very much. I'm blessed for the time I got to have with both of you. And am looking forward to seeing you both again one day. But until then...

I will still miss you like hell. 
Happy Father's Day

Christmas 2018

Dad and Teddy

Father's Day

June 2017

Happy Anniversary Mom & Dad!

     Today is my parent's 41st Anniversary of the day they were married. They were married on June 14, 1980, in Eureka, Missouri at Sacred Heart Church; the family church. They were married by Reverend Ignatius Ecklecamp and the witnesses were Donald Freeburg and Judith Lacy. 

    I know this is a very hard day for mom. It is the first Anniversary my mom is spending without Dad. I was so proud of her though cause she went to the cemetery all by herself yesterday to visit Dad. That was the first time she went by herself.

    So today, in honor of their anniversary, I'm sharing photos from their wedding album. Click on the photos to make them bigger.

Happy Anniversary Mom & Dad

Tips for Visiting Cemeteries This Summer

    The weather is finally warm; sunny. Covid restrictions are lifting in many places so everyone is wanting to get out. And the best place to head this summer? Cemeteries! Do some research. Clean some headstones. Visit some ancestors. Get some sun. But are you prepared?
    Preparation is necessary. You are heading into unknown areas to do some important research. You gotta know where you are going, what the weather will potentially be like, and make sure you have everything you need. Here are some tips on items you need to have or things you need to do before you head out this summer. Now, this list is not all-inclusive, but just some things you need to consider. 

Before you go

1) Pack Your Cemetery Bag

Do you have a cemetery bag? You should really get one. They don't have to be fancy, but just practical. Me personally, I am using a bag I've had for years. It's an old diaper bag backpack from JuJuBe. What I love about it is it's waterproof and machine washable. So if this bag gets filthy, I can just wash it up. I also love all the different compartments. Everyone has their own collection of items they like to bring to the cemetery, but here are some things you need to make sure you have.

• Soft Brush (for cleaning headstones)
• Spray bottle with water for cleaning
• First Aid Kit
• Clippers
• Keeling pad (The changing pad from my diaper bag works great)
• Mirror or Foil to reflect the light on the headstone
• Flashlight
• Sanitized Hand Wipes and Hand Sanitizer
• Charging cables for devices
• Extra Batteries and chargers
• Sunscreen
• Umbrella
• Bug Spray
• Bottled Water for drinking
• Personal Fan

If you have other suggestions, please leave them in the comments. But these are the basics you should have with you.

2) Create a List of Ancestors
When you visit a cemetery, it's very possible you will be looking for more than one ancestor. I have created a cemetery log for each cemetery. On this log is the location information for the grave along with a spot for GPS location. If you don't have this information, you will need to call the cemetery. 

3) Map of the cemetery
Most larger cemeteries have maps of their land online for you to download. But for others, you may have to call the cemetery itself. When you call to get the location of your ancestors' graves, ask for a copy of the map as well.

4) Check the weather & wear appropriate clothing
Summer can be hot. It can be unpredictable. If you are like me and you burn easily, you will need a very good sunscreen and a hat to protect yourself. Rain can pop up at the oddest times without any notice, so bring an umbrella. Also, if you are going into the country where there are a lot of fields, weeds, and grass, you will run into bugs so a bug spray is necessary. Also, long pants to avoid chiggers, good walking/hiking shoes, and sunglasses.

At the Cemetery

1) Check your surroundings
Investigate your surroundings before you get out of your car. Drive around, get a feel for the area, and know where the exit is. Some cemeteries are in some not so very nice areas while others are literally in the middle of nowhere. If you can, bring someone with you so you are not alone. When you do get out of your car, make sure no personal belongings are in view or easily accessible. 

2) Watch your step
Cemeteries sometimes have very uneven ground. Dips, sinkholes, mud, etc. can make walking dangerous so watch your step. Also, deer like to roam the grounds, so watch out for their poop. Also, out in the wilderness, you could run into creatures such as snakes. So be prepared.

3) Do No Harm
The first rule of taking care of headstones is "First Do No Harm". So if you do not know how to clean them, don't do it without consulting with an expert. If a headstone has fallen and you are unsure if you can move it without damaging it, do not touch it. And above all else, DO NOT add anything to the headstone to make it more readable. That's what the reflective services are for. So always remember this. First Do No Harm.

4) Take photos of the Cemetery Sign or Entrance
Before you head into the cemetery and start taking pictures, take a picture of the Cemetery Sign or Entrance. So if you are visiting multiple cemeteries in one day, or a few days in a row before you empty your photos off, at least you will know which cemetery these photos belong to.

5) Set GPS coordinates on Google Maps
One way to share with others, or to keep track of for yourself, is to make some points on Google Maps. Once you are at the location, open Google Maps, tap the location of where you are standing on the map, and you will get the GPS Coordinates. You can also label the points, but clicking on Label. You can then record your GPS coordinates on your list.

6) Take Enough Pictures
Take pictures of the headstones close-up and far away. Close-up for details and far away for location. Sometimes photos are not in focus and it's hard to see out in the sun. So take extra just in case. You can always delete them later.

These are just a few tips for visiting cemeteries this summer. What other tips do you have? Where do you plan on going this summer? What else do you recommend for a cemetery bag? Leave your suggestions in the comments below.