Year of Firsts - Fish Fry

      It's that time of year again. It's time for the Annual Fish Frys in St. Louis. It's huge! Just about every Catholic church (and other denominations) participates in this event. This is the biggest fundraiser for the Most Sacred Heart Church in Eureka. Every year they sell thousands of Fish Dinners between the weekend after Ash Wednesday and the Sunday before Easter. It is a time for the community to come together to fellowship and support the church. 
     Unfortunately, last year the season was cut short in light of the Covid epidemic. We were able to at least get one dinner from them. We were not even sure if they were going to be able to have the Fish Fry this year but through some ingenuity, they have come up with a safe option. Patrons will be able to purchase their dinners online for a specific time slot, then proceed to pick up their dinners like a drive-thru. We were very curious how they were going to pull this off and are so glad to hear of this plan. There is just one thing missing... Dad.
   Every year since we moved back to St. Louis, we ate at the Most Sacred Heart Fish Fry, each Friday they had it. In the beginning, dad volunteered in the blockhouse. He would help bread the fish and prep it for frying, along with other duties. He would be there Monday when the fish would be delivered, hours before the fish fry began on Friday, and wouldn't leave until everything was cleaned up Friday night. Oh and even though he was dog tired at the end of the night, he enjoyed every minute of it. 

     He would talk about how much of a well-oiled machine the whole system was. Everyone had their job and they did it well.  He would talk about how many people were breading, how many were frying, and then the runners who were bringing fish to the prospected areas. Not to mention all the volunteers (yes that's right, volunteers) that were mixing the other sides, serving the food, and helping clean up. Every year, they serve an average of 2,000 dinners each night. I know that seems like a lot, but if you have ever been to one of their Fish Frys, you would believe it. There were times when I was standing in line that someone would ask me if it was always this busy, and my answer was always the same: "Yes!" Dad was always proud to work at the Fish Fry and proud of all the hard work that went into making this all happen for his church.

Most Sacred Heart Church

Fish Fry - 2009

Dad is the one in the blue hat

     As time went on and dad's health started to deteriorate, he was unable to work at the Fish Fry anymore. It was a hard call for him to make. I know they missed having him in the blockhouse, but I was glad to have him spend time with us and actually be able to eat fish as a family. Every year, when the time came, we would plan our Friday nights around getting fish. Sometimes the Fish Fry would fall on my birthday and we would have cake with it. In the beginning, we would eat in the cafeteria but then switched to Father Donnelling hall for the all-you-can-eat fish. And sometimes we would have other family members come with us like Aunt Patty, Aunt Sandy, Uncle John, Mark's parents, and more. When dad's health went down, we switch to carry-out only for his safety. But we would bring it back to Mom and Dad's and have a great meal together. Dad loved the fish so much, he would order two dinners so he would have left-overs for the next day.

Most Sacred Heart Church

Fish Fry - 2016

Celebrating March birthdays

     Dad was really disappointed last year when we couldn't get any more fish, but he understood. His health was fragile as it was and we didn't want to risk any exposure to Covid. Little did we know it would be the last time we would have fish together. The first Fish Fry of 2021 was on February 19. Usually, we would be one of the first in line on the first night to get fish (as the first night was usually the busiest), but this year, we just weren't quick to get fish. One reason was the weather, but the other was we just didn't want the reminder that Dad was not with us.
     Well, we finally got fish the next Friday, on February 26. And I'm going to be honest. It was a good thing dad wasn't here for it. They changed from what they usually served. They took away the shells in red sauce and replaced them with mac and cheese. Then they only

gave two pieces of fish and it didn't even taste the same as it usually does. And to top it off, no dessert. I know things are difficult with COVID going on, but this was very disappointing. And I think it made it easier to handle. Cause dad would NOT have been happy at all. It's a year of change. And some changes are just not for the best.
     There is at least one good thing I think that will come from this. We will get to try different churchs' fish. We've been wanting to give some others a try, but Dad always preferred Sacred Heart. Well, I think this is the year he would even agree to try a different church. 
     While I'm glad dad doesn't have to see this, I wish he was here for me to listen to his complaining. This whole week has been hard on me. I know there are going to be ups and downs. This week was a down. And next month is going to be really hard as it is all of our birthdays: Mom's, Sancia's and mine. Our first birthdays without dad. At least this "first" wasn't as hard to get through. Still miss you like hell, Dad. 

Cemetery Log: Keeping track of all the ancestors in the same cemetery

      I've had in mind to work on this project for about a year now, but haven't had the ability to carry it out.  Between taking care of dad and other obligations, just haven't had the time. Well, this spring I will start working on it and I hope to release it this summer.
     What is it you ask? Well, the final project will be a new YouTube series all about sharing the burial locations of my ancestors'. I had a distant cousin of mine contact me asking for the location of our ancestor, Joseph Henry Rickards. I did my best to guide him over the phone, but how much better would it have been to just share the video that takes you directly to the cemetery and the ancestor's gravesite? Sounds like a great idea to me!
     The question then came up how I was going to put this together. Well, I have an idea based on a fellow YouTuber's channel called Hollywood Graveyard. I love how he goes about sharing the graves of movie stars and prominent people. His style is just what I'm looking for. If you haven't checked out his YouTube channel yet, I urge you to do so. 
     But before I start filming, I have some leg work to do. I am going to be organizing my ancestors by cemetery into one spreadsheet for each cemetery. This is just an example of what I'm working on right now.

Click to Enlarge

     This is just one cemetery & not even all the ancestors that are buried there. I will be researching the location of each ancestor, the owner of each plot/section, the different directions how to get to the cemetery, the basic history about each cemetery such as when it was opened along with any famous people buried there and will also include a cemetery map if given. Since I have so many ancestors buried in the same cemeteries, I decided to create this log. 
     I encourage all of you to do something like this for your own records. That way when you go to the cemetery to visit your ancestors, you catch all who is buried there. It will also be handy to share with others who would like to know the location and visit themselves. 
     I know there are quite a few spreadsheet options out there for people to use. I created this one specifically for my own use to include the data I needed. You can do a search online for other cemetery logs or create your own in Excel or Open Office. If you would like to download a blank copy of this log, send me an email at jrickards82@yahoo.com (or contact me through the form on the right-hand side of my blog) and I will forward you the spreadsheet. You can edit any of it that you wish. 
     This log will help me when it comes to filming this spring. As you can see, I have many ancestors buried in the same cemeteries. That's one reason I created this log. To help me keep track of all my ancestors in the same cemeteries. When I film, I will explain how to get to each ancestor's location in the cemetery and film it. I will also show the location on a map & try to make the map available to those who need a copy. This is still just a work in progress, but hoping to get this started soon. So be on the lookout!

     

Preserving Your History for the Future

     Something we never like to think about is the "What if something happens to me" scenario. My dad sure didn't like to think about it, nor did he like to talk about it. It was hard enough getting his estate in order before he passed. So now that he is gone, I have the job (and privilege) of going through his collection of "stuff".
     Dad was a hoarder. Not as bad as you see in the T.V. show, but he definitely did not like to get rid of stuff. And majority of the time, he knew where everything was, if it was important to him. No one was allowed to touch his stuff. I had to fight like hell just to get him to let me take his photos to digitize so nothing would happen to them. Now, there is nothing holding me back.
     While I'm going to enjoy going through my dad's stuff to find treasures, this all could have really been avoided. As much as my mom misses him, she is glad we can finally go through some things to organize them. She keeps talking to Dad's picture asking him, why he left this mess for us to handle when he could have done this himself. So she made a promise to me that she would not leave a big mess for me when she goes. And that got me thinking about my own collection.
     While I am not a hoarder like my dad, I do have a collection of family history items that is steadily growing. What is going to happen to this stuff once I'm gone? I've talked with many people recently about this topic and they have shared their own experiences where the family has just come in and thrown away so many things because it wasn't planned out or put in a will where it should all go.
     So I encourage you to go through your own collection, take stock, organize, and write down where you want everything to go. Make plans beforehand. If you want items donated to a historical society, call them first. Do the leg work beforehand so it makes it easier for your family. Talk to other family members about your collection and see who would be interested in it. The more prepared all of your stuff is, the less likely it is to be thrown out.
     For some great tips about preparing your own collection for the future, I suggest picking up the book "Planning a Future for Your Family's Past" by Marian Burk Wood. She talks about using the PASS process: 

• Prepare by organizing Materials 
• Allocate ownership 
• Set up a genealogical "will" 
• Share with heirs

     There are a lot of great tips on how to organize your genealogy materials, make decisions about your collection, and how to pass what you know to future generations. As she has on her book cover, "Keep your family's past alive to pass to future generations."
     If you are like me right now, you are stuck inside because of the weather, so now would be a great time to get started. You never know how much time you have. We barely got dad's paperwork in order before he passed. We knew it was coming, but not as fast as it did. So do it today, because tomorrow is promised to no one.

One Month - Another Letter to Dad

 Dad,

     Yesterday was kind of a rough day. I felt emotional as soon as I got out of bed. Went through my day feeling melancholy; just down. I talked with mom in the morning, like I do just about every morning now. She was feeling a lot of emotions. She talks to you a lot. I know she has a lot to say, heh. As I was coming home from the store last night, it all of a sudden hit me why I was feeling like this. The next day would be one month since you passed.
     One month... gosh it doesn't feel like it. It seems like it was just yesterday that I talked to you on the phone. Or went to see you at the house. At the same time, it feels like forever since I heard your voice; gave you a hug. I'm grateful I have your voice recorded on video and audio. I haven't listened to them though. I know Aunt Patty said she wasn't ready to listen to them yet.
     Dad, we miss you so much. You have no idea how many miss you. I've still got people finding out about your passing and they are just broken-hearted, like the rest of us. It's hard trying to re-arrange your life after you have devoted so much time to taking care of someone. I am still having a hard time getting on a new schedule. I keep telling myself, "It's ok. Your grieving. It's a process." And the truth is, I don't like it. I don't like it one bit.
     Mom and I both tell each other we will both be ok in time. Just not right now. I mean, yeah we don't have to worry about you anymore. We know you are safe and pain-free. We don't have to worry about going out and bringing Covid back to you. We are still being safe for each other sake, but the overwhelming fear of "What if we bring something back to dad" is not there anymore. But the fact that you're gone still hurts like hell. 
     Yeah, I have some ok days. Days where I'm not balling my eyes out. Days where I get quite a bit accomplished. Days where the grief is not drowning me. I go on cause I have to. If that's one thing you taught me is you gotta do what you gotta do. And I am. 
     I'm not going to lie, there is one thing I am looking forward to doing. And that's going through all that stuff in the basement. Yes, your stuff. I finally get a chance to go through it and organize it. I know it always brought you so much anxiety when I would move your stuff. Even if I was just trying to help. I just wish we could have gone through it together so we could talk about things. But I know that is not something you could do nor did you want to do. I've accepted that. So I will go through everything myself, sort it, preserve it, and do whatever I need to do to it. The garage will be the next project. I can just hear you telling God, "Oh no I need to go back down there and tell them not to touch my tools!" Haha!!
     Dad you don't have to worry anymore. We've got it covered. You just spend time with the family. I will take care of mom and everyone else down here. We are going to go see you on Valentine's Day. I don't know if your headstone will be placed yet, but we will see. I just know we miss you so much, dad. We always will. I still dream about talking to you. It feels so real. I'd like to think you are coming down to visit me, but I know it's just my mind wishing it were true. Although, I will still yell at you when it's necessary. And there are times it has been necessary haha! But I will be alright. I will get by. Until I have to yell at you again. haha! I love you dad...

One month down... many more to go...